Njoki's debate.

I was prepared to take up literary cudgels against Njoki Chege. Instead I partook of a very large snifter of something that attracted a very heft excise duty, calmed down and considered my hypocritical reaction. At one time I vroom-vroomed around town in a cut-rate Subaru Impreza that I never quite finished paying for before it was written off in a Citi Hoppa-related encounter. My broking agent saw fit to jack up my premiums after that and that was that when it came to cut-rate anything. Njoki Chege is right to stop, and cross the street, when she encounters any of the specimens she described as being out of her league, especially if they even think of expressing amorous intentions.

Ms Chege has presented her CV, in a manner of speaking. She is forthright, she is employed gainfully, she is pursuing what I must assume is a post-graduate degree (perhaps even a doctorate if she is in the same mould as the impressive Yvonne Maingey), she is unimpressed by what I shall ungenerously assume are cut-rate "exhibition" iPhone 4s, and she will need to be impressed by erudition, intellect - and a very fat wallet. That a respected tabloid has given her a byline means that she is indeed a respectable member of the society and definitely not anyone's mother. It is for an equally respectable man to decide whether or not Ms Chege ticks off all the right check-boxes and whether he is prepared to risk his name being splashed in the previously mentioned tabloid if he proves less than advertised.

It is strange for someone who's spent the better part of his adult life meeting accomplished, strong-willed and opinionated women to be witness to the testosterone-fuelled violent misogyny directed at women such as Ms Chege. In this day and age it is no longer the exclusive preserve of men to have ideas about ideal mates, not when more and more women are bringing home fatter and fatter bacon. There are a few biological truths that will only be elided with a more rapid march of biotechnology: menopause will strike, but it will not strike men; childbirth is a natural outcome of conception, but not for men, and at every end of a menstrual cycle, it is wise for men in women's lives to find legitimate reasons to "travel to Kigali" on business for the sake of peace and sanity.

Why are there men who fear women today? I saw on the news last night that men in Garissa would rather murder their daughters than permit them to join the National Youth Service. These must be the same kinds of men who have a very strong abhorrence to a woman dictating what kind of man she deserves. I say the more Njoki Cheges we have out there, the faster everyone will get over the idea of stereotypical gendered roles of little practical utility in the twenty-first century.

There is a catch though. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. Women should be allowed to set standards for themselves about whom they will hitch themselves for the rest of their lives. But they must be prepared for the equality backlash when men give in and relent, especially over gendered roles. Of course here are those biological functions that only women will perform; but beyond that, a true partnership will also mean that Ms Chege's suitors will ask how fat a wallet she brings into the affair; no man will be looking for a voracious parasite. It is time that even the backwaters of Kenya where custom and tradition are as men declare them to be entered the twenty-first century of women who know exactly what they want.